HeartPeace Now Articles

Free eBook from Institute of HeartMath

Institute of HeartMath has a free eBook, State of Ease, for downloading that I have found full of helpful information. Add one more tool to your conflict resolution library.

Your can download the color State of Ease PDF or black and white PDF from HeartPeaceNow.com or directly from the HeartMath website.

There is a “state of ease” that each of us can access to help release emotional turbulence and help maintain coherent alignment between our heart, mind and emotions. Learning to access our personal space of “inner-ease” can be done with minimum practice and in just a little time. When operating in an ease-mode, it’s easier to choose less stressful perceptions and attitudes and re-create “flow” in our daily routines.

Please enjoy this free eBook and HeartMath is encouraging any who likes it to share it with others, so please feel free to post a link to this page!

There are so many positive strategies and processes to use in managing conflict effectively.  And sometimes it’s very important to know how to avoid the pitfalls.  

You will enhance your success in finding heart peace if you stay aware of the energies that are the indicators and outcomes of conflict.  These energies begin with small contrasts that come from mismatched expectations among people.  And there are some mistakes you can avoid making if you know about them before they come up.  

You can safely and effectively avoid these Five Mistakes during Conflict.   

1.      Don’t become detached from the conflict.  Stay aware of energies that are the indicators and outcomes of conflict so you can monitor and track them.  Your enhanced awareness allows you to maintain more control in effective ways.  You really want to have a passionate concern for both the people and the issues within the conflict.  Your engagement and genuine concern can motivate others toward solutions.

 2.      Don’t get caught “awfulizing.”  Every conflict has a history that extends beyond the present.  And “awfulizing” is the tendency to escalate a situation into its worst-case scenario.  One person tries to top the other person’s horrible and awful story.  You want to find common ground in what can be done to resolve problems, not in common misery.   

 3.      Don’t let conflict establish your agenda.  If you want to be an effective change agent in resolving conflict, you must do the important things and consider delegating the urgent things.  Stay aligned with your own agenda, and do those things that only you can do.  There will always be distractions and seemingly urgent things that can be done effectively by others.

 4.      Don’t engage in power struggles.  There is a significant relationship between power and authority.  Your authority increases when you empower others.  Power tends to be perceived as coercive, while authority involves respect.  Unless you are prepared to waste time, don’t argue.  Unless you are prepared to lose, don’t choose to engage in battles.  Taking total responsibility for others’ emotions sets you up to lose in a power struggle.

 5.      Don’t be sidetracked by the projections of others.  Projection is really an emotional release for most people.  And sometimes people project their own flaws and weaknesses onto others.  Avoid accusations and generalizations.  Encourage participation so others can speak safely for themselves.  There really is no need for anyone to be reduced to mind reading.

 Managing conflict more effectively is a passion for Alberta Fredricksen, a Conflict Guide and Spiritual Life Coach.  You can be empowered in your personal and professional conflicts through personal coaching or group facilitations.  Check Alberta’s website at www.HeartPeaceNow.com for more FREE resources and articles.  Sign up for the Awakened Inner PeaceMaker Program now!

Understanding your choices is essential in managing conflict.  And, yes, there is always more than one choice!  You just have to decide what consequence you will live with.  This helps you resolve your own inner conflict.  And just as important is the strategy of providing choices for others when you are in conflict.  

The narrowing of choice is not motivating.  It is the expansion of choice or the opportunity to decide that motivates an individual to go beyond feeling victimized.  And in businesses or organizations, it allows an individual to go beyond minimal competence.   

When people say, “I had no choice,” it is really an expression of poverty.  Shift your thinking to a place of being wealthy regarding your abundance of choices!  Choices help you shift from an all or nothing consciousness.  

When you need to brush your teeth, you go to the store and there is not just one product for brushing teeth.  You are faced with choices within choices.  Shall I choose fluoride or no fluoride?  Can I have a product with whitener already included?  What flavor or taste do I want?  Shall I try one out by choosing a small travel version first to see if I like it? What if I like one brand and someone else in my house likes another?  Can we each have something that we want?  

If you can routinely create opportunities for choosing, people will not feel deprived when they encounter those areas where you, the family or an organization cannot always permit choice.  Active participation and involvement in decision-making pushes powerlessness into the background.  For instance, even in the area of setting boundaries or disciplines, the individual can be given two or three options and he decides which one he will fulfill.   Even a child can appreciate choice in being corrected or disciplined.  In order to finish your history report for school, you can choose between not getting to watch TV this evening or you may choose not to go bike riding in the park on Saturday.  It’s your choice.  

And even if making the final decisions or choices cannot be allowed, being offered the opportunity to provide input is also expansive in creating more abundant thinking.  When everyone experiences more choice, conflicts diminish and they can be managed quickly and effectively!  

Managing conflict more effectively is a passion for Alberta Fredricksen, a Conflict Guide and Spiritual Life Coach.  You can be empowered in your personal and professional conflicts through personal coaching or group facilitations.  Check Alberta’s website at www.HeartPeaceNow.com for more FREE resources and articles.  Sign up for the Awakened Inner PeaceMaker Program now!

Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar.  First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.  (Matthew: 5:23-25)  

Managing conflict sometimes means admitting you are wrong or acknowledging that you have hurt or harmed some other part of life.  This verse of Scripture simply and lovingly instructs us about what is most important.  We may be seeking to get right with God – the Spirit of God that is somehow much higher than where we are.  And this ignores the principle that God is present everywhere – and standing by everyone, if they will just choose it.  

It’s easy to ignore that we may not be right with the people that are also right here where we are.   If we would seek to be reconciled with God – to be forgiven for whatever we might have done, or spoken or thought, then what is most important in this instruction is that we first seek to do the same with our fellow travelers on the spiritual path in this place and dimension.   

Pride is a pitfall and none of us like to admit that we don’t know “how to” do things.  But it can be overcome by determining to learn to do those things – step by step.  Learning how to seek forgiveness, how to communicate when confronting differences, how to listen, how to reach resolution, and how to better manage what can’t be resolved are just some of the elements of effective conflict management.  

Choose now to learn how to be reconciled – with God above and with God here in man.  Is there someone you know who has something against you?  What can you do to find more heart peace now?  

Managing conflict more effectively is a passion for Alberta Fredricksen, a Conflict Guide and Spiritual Life Coach.  You can be empowered in your personal and professional conflicts through personal coaching or group facilitations.  Visit Alberta’s website at www.HeartPeaceNow.com for more FREE resources and articles.  And sign up for the Awakened Inner PeaceMaker Program!

The biggest obstacle to effective conflict management may just be your own history!  You and the others in your relationships all have a past when it comes to communicating, building relationships and managing conflicts.   

Your patterns of behavior are built on your perceptions of what is happening to you and how others are relating to you.  And most of us have our own best interests in mind when we are negotiating our way through expectations that are not being met.  This colors how we see others and what we project onto them when we sense those contrasts and tangled energies that we call conflict.  

Seven Tips to managing good balance in the midst of conflict:  

1.      Remember that people (even you) are rarely as benevolent as they perceive themselves to be.  We tend to see our intentions as good, not only for us but for others too.  Just notice how often you have easy reasons (or justifications) and you are ready to explain what you are doing and why you are doing it if you are challenged in some way.  

2.      Remind yourself that others are rarely as evil as their opponents perceive them to be.  Give others the same benefit of the doubt that you expect them to give you.  In this way, you can be holding the intention and a positive energy field where others have support and opportunity to choose to behave in the best potential way for themselves and for you.  

3.      Be aware that people rarely spend as much time thinking about the issues as you or others think they do.  If you are experiencing a sense of conflict, others may not even notice it because they are not as invested in an issue as you are.  

4.      Realize that most aspects of conflict spin off other events and are not the result of cold-hearted calculation.  Others may not be planning or thinking through what is happening, and they may not even see a need to be seeking common ground.    

5.      Come from the position that almost all behaviors are motivated by positive intention.  Most people do not set out to deliberately hurt someone else or cause upset for others and themselves.  And they are often surprised when someone else is offended or put off in some way.  It is true that frequently those positive intentions are to take care of and protect themselves.  

6.      Understand how patterns established in previous experiences impact present perceptions. Every conflict has a history that extends beyond the present.  We are a result of our own history of relationships with others.  If we have experienced hurt or harm in previous relationships, we must be vigilant not to project similar motivations, intentions or actions onto others in our current or future relationships.  

7.      If you have difficulty remembering the first six tips, take a moment to go to “the balcony” to get a better viewing point of the interactions the group is experiencing.  You always have the opportunity to choose again which will change the energy field for others to choose again also.    

Managing conflict more effectively is a passion for Alberta Fredricksen, a Conflict Guide and Spiritual Life Coach.  You can be empowered in your personal and professional conflicts through personal coaching or group facilitations.  Check Alberta’s website at www.HeartPeaceNow.com for more FREE resources and articles.  Sign up for the Awakened Inner PeaceMaker Program now!

Conflict happens in relationships.  And the tension it brings is opportunity knocking at the door.

We actually learn more by listening than we do by talking!  When we are experiencing contrast or conflict with others, we are usually trying our best to persuade them to our point of view.  And that means we just keep talking - hoping the others will see the light of our position.

What happens if you shift your strategy and start listening - really listening?  There are many benefits for you if you will apply this one very important communication tool in resolving conflicts.

1.  Listening builds relationships!

2.  Listening says to the other person that they are important and you will take the time to hear them.  Listening affirms others and contributes to their sense of self-esteem and well-being.

3.  Your silence while listening can enhance your understanding of the problem and of others’ perspectives.

4.  Listening gives you more information that you can use in identifying potential options and making decisions.

5.  Listening allows you to be more aware of different perspectives and find an opening for collaborative efforts.

6.  You actually learn more by listening than you do by talking!

7. Listening doesn’t cost you any money.  It only takes a little time that is well invested in achieving your goals and building cooperative relationships.

8.  You can implement the listening tool by simply choosing to do it.  You don’t have to enroll in another training program.

9.  Always remember that talking shows involvement; listening shows caring; and asking clarifying questions shows your desire to better understand what others are thinking, feeling or saying.

10. Listening helps resolve conflict!  Listening builds relationships!

Alberta Fredricksen can help you understand just how natural conflict is and how it can be a creative force for change, empowerment and transcendence.  If you are looking for a greater sense of HeartPeace, visit her website at www.HeartPeaceNow.com for more FREE resources and articles.