HeartPeace Now Articles

Understanding your choices is essential in managing conflict.  And, yes, there is always more than one choice!  You just have to decide what consequence you will live with.  This helps you resolve your own inner conflict.  And just as important is the strategy of providing choices for others when you are in conflict.  

The narrowing of choice is not motivating.  It is the expansion of choice or the opportunity to decide that motivates an individual to go beyond feeling victimized.  And in businesses or organizations, it allows an individual to go beyond minimal competence.   

When people say, “I had no choice,” it is really an expression of poverty.  Shift your thinking to a place of being wealthy regarding your abundance of choices!  Choices help you shift from an all or nothing consciousness.  

When you need to brush your teeth, you go to the store and there is not just one product for brushing teeth.  You are faced with choices within choices.  Shall I choose fluoride or no fluoride?  Can I have a product with whitener already included?  What flavor or taste do I want?  Shall I try one out by choosing a small travel version first to see if I like it? What if I like one brand and someone else in my house likes another?  Can we each have something that we want?  

If you can routinely create opportunities for choosing, people will not feel deprived when they encounter those areas where you, the family or an organization cannot always permit choice.  Active participation and involvement in decision-making pushes powerlessness into the background.  For instance, even in the area of setting boundaries or disciplines, the individual can be given two or three options and he decides which one he will fulfill.   Even a child can appreciate choice in being corrected or disciplined.  In order to finish your history report for school, you can choose between not getting to watch TV this evening or you may choose not to go bike riding in the park on Saturday.  It’s your choice.  

And even if making the final decisions or choices cannot be allowed, being offered the opportunity to provide input is also expansive in creating more abundant thinking.  When everyone experiences more choice, conflicts diminish and they can be managed quickly and effectively!  

Managing conflict more effectively is a passion for Alberta Fredricksen, a Conflict Guide and Spiritual Life Coach.  You can be empowered in your personal and professional conflicts through personal coaching or group facilitations.  Check Alberta’s website at www.HeartPeaceNow.com for more FREE resources and articles.  Sign up for the Awakened Inner PeaceMaker Program now!

Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar.  First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.  (Matthew: 5:23-25)  

Managing conflict sometimes means admitting you are wrong or acknowledging that you have hurt or harmed some other part of life.  This verse of Scripture simply and lovingly instructs us about what is most important.  We may be seeking to get right with God – the Spirit of God that is somehow much higher than where we are.  And this ignores the principle that God is present everywhere – and standing by everyone, if they will just choose it.  

It’s easy to ignore that we may not be right with the people that are also right here where we are.   If we would seek to be reconciled with God – to be forgiven for whatever we might have done, or spoken or thought, then what is most important in this instruction is that we first seek to do the same with our fellow travelers on the spiritual path in this place and dimension.   

Pride is a pitfall and none of us like to admit that we don’t know “how to” do things.  But it can be overcome by determining to learn to do those things – step by step.  Learning how to seek forgiveness, how to communicate when confronting differences, how to listen, how to reach resolution, and how to better manage what can’t be resolved are just some of the elements of effective conflict management.  

Choose now to learn how to be reconciled – with God above and with God here in man.  Is there someone you know who has something against you?  What can you do to find more heart peace now?  

Managing conflict more effectively is a passion for Alberta Fredricksen, a Conflict Guide and Spiritual Life Coach.  You can be empowered in your personal and professional conflicts through personal coaching or group facilitations.  Visit Alberta’s website at www.HeartPeaceNow.com for more FREE resources and articles.  And sign up for the Awakened Inner PeaceMaker Program!

The biggest obstacle to effective conflict management may just be your own history!  You and the others in your relationships all have a past when it comes to communicating, building relationships and managing conflicts.   

Your patterns of behavior are built on your perceptions of what is happening to you and how others are relating to you.  And most of us have our own best interests in mind when we are negotiating our way through expectations that are not being met.  This colors how we see others and what we project onto them when we sense those contrasts and tangled energies that we call conflict.  

Seven Tips to managing good balance in the midst of conflict:  

1.      Remember that people (even you) are rarely as benevolent as they perceive themselves to be.  We tend to see our intentions as good, not only for us but for others too.  Just notice how often you have easy reasons (or justifications) and you are ready to explain what you are doing and why you are doing it if you are challenged in some way.  

2.      Remind yourself that others are rarely as evil as their opponents perceive them to be.  Give others the same benefit of the doubt that you expect them to give you.  In this way, you can be holding the intention and a positive energy field where others have support and opportunity to choose to behave in the best potential way for themselves and for you.  

3.      Be aware that people rarely spend as much time thinking about the issues as you or others think they do.  If you are experiencing a sense of conflict, others may not even notice it because they are not as invested in an issue as you are.  

4.      Realize that most aspects of conflict spin off other events and are not the result of cold-hearted calculation.  Others may not be planning or thinking through what is happening, and they may not even see a need to be seeking common ground.    

5.      Come from the position that almost all behaviors are motivated by positive intention.  Most people do not set out to deliberately hurt someone else or cause upset for others and themselves.  And they are often surprised when someone else is offended or put off in some way.  It is true that frequently those positive intentions are to take care of and protect themselves.  

6.      Understand how patterns established in previous experiences impact present perceptions. Every conflict has a history that extends beyond the present.  We are a result of our own history of relationships with others.  If we have experienced hurt or harm in previous relationships, we must be vigilant not to project similar motivations, intentions or actions onto others in our current or future relationships.  

7.      If you have difficulty remembering the first six tips, take a moment to go to “the balcony” to get a better viewing point of the interactions the group is experiencing.  You always have the opportunity to choose again which will change the energy field for others to choose again also.    

Managing conflict more effectively is a passion for Alberta Fredricksen, a Conflict Guide and Spiritual Life Coach.  You can be empowered in your personal and professional conflicts through personal coaching or group facilitations.  Check Alberta’s website at www.HeartPeaceNow.com for more FREE resources and articles.  Sign up for the Awakened Inner PeaceMaker Program now!

Is your Spiritual Resume up to date?  Are you a disciple of some faith?  What is the Truth that you bear witness to through your faith?  By definition, a disciple of Christ is always stepping up spiritually by bearing witness to Jesus the Christ.  Being a disciple need not mean that you throw off all your earthly occupations or do away with all other endeavors in life.  However, if you are a disciple, it generally means that you regard the spiritual work that you do in Jesus’ name, his Spirit and his teaching as the overriding and pervading goal.

A practical way to express it is that this sense of alignment with Spirit is the glue that holds the parts of the chair together.  The glue of Spirit also helps us prioritize so that we do the things that matter most during our current short mortal existence.

Before Jesus was taken up in the cloud before the very eyes of the disciples and the others, he gave them his parting instructions.  Consider what you might say to your loved ones, to your family and friends and co-workers if you knew that in five or ten minutes you would be taken up from this earth.  What would be the most important thing to say to them?  What would be the greatest love and comfort you could leave them with to remember?  How would you help them to remember what your own mission had been and what their mission was to be?

Well, Jesus did know that he would be taken up and this is what he said to his disciples and followers:  “But ye shall receive power, after that the Holy Ghost is come upon you: and ye shall be witnesses unto me both in Jerusalem, and in all Judea, and in Samaria, and unto the uttermost parts of the earth.”  He said, “Ye shall be witnesses unto me.”  This sounds like a commandment, doesn’t it?  It is certainly an affirmation, a declaration, even a decree.  And it is also a promise.  It is Jesus making a new covenant with those that follow after his life’s demonstration made all things new.  You mean that you and I can become a Christ, too?  Yes!

How many times have you thought about what your life is supposed to be about?  What is your witness?  Do you still wonder about those old questions:  Who am I?  Why am I here?  Well, whenever you feel less than confident about the answer, remember this commandment and promise from Jesus:  “Ye shall be witnesses unto me.”  This means you are to witness unto the Christ in action of Jesus, the Christ in action in me, and in you, and in all these others.

How many ways can you be a witness to the Christ and then be a witness to the Christ of your own Self?  In answering that question, remember that people would rather see a sermon than hear one any day.  The greatest way to teach and to witness is to be an example - a model.  Be an example of a Christ for your family, your co-workers, your leaders and even for your so-called enemies.

Remember that in order to demonstrate your belief in Jesus the Christ, you must become the Christ of you.  This is what he came to teach and to demonstrate - that all the things he did, we are supposed to do and even greater.  This Christ essence is in each one of us - waiting to be awakened, developed and demonstrated.  As you grow and develop the Christ of you, you are stepping up spiritually.  You are building your spiritual resume!

Alberta Fredricksen is a Spiritual Life Coach and her NEW book, Resume of a Disciple-Stepping Up Spiritually offers an easy primer on how to apply common job performance tools like resumes, job descriptions and on-the-job training to your own spiritual path and  witness.  Visit www.ResumeOfADisciple.com and learn about all the bonuses available to you!

 Most of us grow up conditioned to believe that conflict is bad.  That is a myth!  And it’s a pretty destructive myth because it places all of us in a position of being bad in some way because we are in conflict within ourselves or we experience conflict with others. 

Truthfully, being in conflict is as easy as falling off a log!  With a little shift in perception and some help in understanding the true nature of conflict, we can walk the log skillfully, with balance and reach our destination on the other side.  

Some say that conflict is not good or bad - it just is!  It is opportunity staring you straight in the face.  This is where you are empowered to co-create with Spirit and the Spirit in others to embrace conflict and let it teach you how to create something better for you and others. 

Aikido Master, Tom Crum, teaches that “Conflict is nature’s primary motivator for change.“  Change and conflict are frequent companions.  We often talk about needing a change - a change in direction - a change in pace - a let-up in the status quo - or to accelerate in one direction or another.  When you speak about change, conflict may be just around the corner. 

Whether your change process generates conflict or not depends on what you think about conflict.  And whether you think it’s good or bad, just realize that you are creating your own reality.  Knowing that conflict has the potential for creating change, most of us can accept that conflict is natural, necessary - even desirable at times.

Conflict is opportunity!  If you can make this ONE perceptual shift to see conflict as a natural phenomenon that is actually motivating you to movement, to look at options, to make a choice, to make a move - then you can look forward to something different.  Now - that’s a gift!

Getting to the gift of conflict is a passion for Alberta Fredricksen, a Conflict Resolution and Spiritual Life Coach, who can help you understand just how natural conflict is and how it can be a creative force for change, empowerment and transcendence within and with others.  If you are looking for a greater sense of HeartPeace, visit her website at www.HeartPeaceNow.com for more FREE resources and articles.

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