HeartPeace Now Articles

Understanding your choices is essential in managing conflict.  And, yes, there is always more than one choice!  You just have to decide what consequence you will live with.  This helps you resolve your own inner conflict.  And just as important is the strategy of providing choices for others when you are in conflict.  

The narrowing of choice is not motivating.  It is the expansion of choice or the opportunity to decide that motivates an individual to go beyond feeling victimized.  And in businesses or organizations, it allows an individual to go beyond minimal competence.   

When people say, “I had no choice,” it is really an expression of poverty.  Shift your thinking to a place of being wealthy regarding your abundance of choices!  Choices help you shift from an all or nothing consciousness.  

When you need to brush your teeth, you go to the store and there is not just one product for brushing teeth.  You are faced with choices within choices.  Shall I choose fluoride or no fluoride?  Can I have a product with whitener already included?  What flavor or taste do I want?  Shall I try one out by choosing a small travel version first to see if I like it? What if I like one brand and someone else in my house likes another?  Can we each have something that we want?  

If you can routinely create opportunities for choosing, people will not feel deprived when they encounter those areas where you, the family or an organization cannot always permit choice.  Active participation and involvement in decision-making pushes powerlessness into the background.  For instance, even in the area of setting boundaries or disciplines, the individual can be given two or three options and he decides which one he will fulfill.   Even a child can appreciate choice in being corrected or disciplined.  In order to finish your history report for school, you can choose between not getting to watch TV this evening or you may choose not to go bike riding in the park on Saturday.  It’s your choice.  

And even if making the final decisions or choices cannot be allowed, being offered the opportunity to provide input is also expansive in creating more abundant thinking.  When everyone experiences more choice, conflicts diminish and they can be managed quickly and effectively!  

Managing conflict more effectively is a passion for Alberta Fredricksen, a Conflict Guide and Spiritual Life Coach.  You can be empowered in your personal and professional conflicts through personal coaching or group facilitations.  Check Alberta’s website at www.HeartPeaceNow.com for more FREE resources and articles.  Sign up for the Awakened Inner PeaceMaker Program now!

Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar.  First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.  (Matthew: 5:23-25)  

Managing conflict sometimes means admitting you are wrong or acknowledging that you have hurt or harmed some other part of life.  This verse of Scripture simply and lovingly instructs us about what is most important.  We may be seeking to get right with God – the Spirit of God that is somehow much higher than where we are.  And this ignores the principle that God is present everywhere – and standing by everyone, if they will just choose it.  

It’s easy to ignore that we may not be right with the people that are also right here where we are.   If we would seek to be reconciled with God – to be forgiven for whatever we might have done, or spoken or thought, then what is most important in this instruction is that we first seek to do the same with our fellow travelers on the spiritual path in this place and dimension.   

Pride is a pitfall and none of us like to admit that we don’t know “how to” do things.  But it can be overcome by determining to learn to do those things – step by step.  Learning how to seek forgiveness, how to communicate when confronting differences, how to listen, how to reach resolution, and how to better manage what can’t be resolved are just some of the elements of effective conflict management.  

Choose now to learn how to be reconciled – with God above and with God here in man.  Is there someone you know who has something against you?  What can you do to find more heart peace now?  

Managing conflict more effectively is a passion for Alberta Fredricksen, a Conflict Guide and Spiritual Life Coach.  You can be empowered in your personal and professional conflicts through personal coaching or group facilitations.  Visit Alberta’s website at www.HeartPeaceNow.com for more FREE resources and articles.  And sign up for the Awakened Inner PeaceMaker Program!

Conflict happens in relationships.  And the tension it brings is opportunity knocking at the door.

We actually learn more by listening than we do by talking!  When we are experiencing contrast or conflict with others, we are usually trying our best to persuade them to our point of view.  And that means we just keep talking - hoping the others will see the light of our position.

What happens if you shift your strategy and start listening - really listening?  There are many benefits for you if you will apply this one very important communication tool in resolving conflicts.

1.  Listening builds relationships!

2.  Listening says to the other person that they are important and you will take the time to hear them.  Listening affirms others and contributes to their sense of self-esteem and well-being.

3.  Your silence while listening can enhance your understanding of the problem and of others’ perspectives.

4.  Listening gives you more information that you can use in identifying potential options and making decisions.

5.  Listening allows you to be more aware of different perspectives and find an opening for collaborative efforts.

6.  You actually learn more by listening than you do by talking!

7. Listening doesn’t cost you any money.  It only takes a little time that is well invested in achieving your goals and building cooperative relationships.

8.  You can implement the listening tool by simply choosing to do it.  You don’t have to enroll in another training program.

9.  Always remember that talking shows involvement; listening shows caring; and asking clarifying questions shows your desire to better understand what others are thinking, feeling or saying.

10. Listening helps resolve conflict!  Listening builds relationships!

Alberta Fredricksen can help you understand just how natural conflict is and how it can be a creative force for change, empowerment and transcendence.  If you are looking for a greater sense of HeartPeace, visit her website at www.HeartPeaceNow.com for more FREE resources and articles.

Economic times are bad!  Finances are tight!  I can’t afford to carry these people!  Sound familiar?  If you add your energy to this choir of voices in conflict, you are actually creating a reality that you don’t want!  How DO you deal with conflict and financial realities without adding your “energy” to a downward spiral?

When change happens – like tight money – loss – unexpected events – don’t you tend to contract, restrict, reserve, withdraw and withhold resources?  Wait a minute!  Take a deep breath and look around you.  The greatest resource you have is the people around you – employees, clients, family and friends.

When budgets get tight, stress increases, conflict escalates and relationships suffer.  How do we resolve these tensions?  Believe it or not, this is a gift that can bring greater understanding and a more urgent motivation to make changes that you might ignore otherwise.

NOW is the time to call upon the “human” resources - the people around you - and engage with them in some practical problem solving.  Your collective creativity in addressing everyone’s needs together not only increases chances for survival and success, it also creates a greater sense of “community.”   Necessity can be a powerful force towards cooperation because of a need to survive together. Ironically, adverse conditions can be the most effective tool to bring out your best gifts and the best gifts of the people around you.

Consider these FOUR TIPS to make the most of seemingly adverse conditions!

1.  More and better communication!  Just communicating more doesn’t help unless it’s different, better – in a word effective!  Just talking about your own pain and hardships won’t cut it.  This may demonstrate your willingness to appear vulnerable which some will admire; it also escalates fear for others as they think “but what about me?”

2. Authentic communication!  There’s an old saying that you can learn more by listening than you can by talking.   Haven’t you found that to be true?  Better communications have several attributes that are worth mastering.  Remember these three communication tools:
a) Talking shows our involvement.
b) Listening shows we care.
c) Asking questions to learn more about what others think and feel demonstrates a desire to truly understand.

3.  Be congruent!  Does your behavior match your words?  Do you say what you mean and mean what you say?  Have you promoted team work in the past and now are relying solely on your personal sense of responsibility which calls for a Command-type of decision making?  Nothing builds trust and community like being congruent.  When others help create the solution, they will help support it!  You don’t have to have all the answers by yourself.  You do have to have the courage to ask and listen.

4.   Change the Energy around you!  If you are considering cutting back, cutting out, or pricing up to navigate turbulent times, think again!  Think outside the box!  NOW may be the perfect time to outsource some idea creation and facilitation - to actually upscale your human resources!  You know you have abilities and potential but you can’t see the forest for the trees!  Explore the possibilities of a Team Approach to the issues you and your business are facing.  Talk with a human resources and communication consultant/coach to explore your strengths, your brilliances and your open pathways.  Gain an objective guide to see how you can empower and capitalize on the creativity of your employees - or your clients - to co-create a solution that you can’t envision by yourself.

A Surprising Lesson from my own experience!

As a school principal, I learned an amazing lesson from a faculty team I was charged with leading.   Finances tightened to the point of being directed by the superintendent that there were no funds for supplies and no funds for substitute teachers!  Thinking that I had to be a strong leader and figure out what all of us would have to do, I dutifully informed the staff about the cutbacks, proposed how I would try to cover classes when they were sick as best I could and explained how I would be less available to them for other things they counted on me as a principal to do.  

Imagine my surprise when the staff came to me and shared that they had all come together and created a plan where everyone picked up some portion of what had to be done when someone needed to be absent.  They said they needed to be able count on me to do the things they expected from a principal.  It was beautiful!  Together – our combined “human” resources created solutions that I could not envision by myself.  And the staff gave their full hearts in support of our solutions.  

Could you and your business or organization benefit from the objectivity of a human resource coach or consultant to assist in empowering you to create a solution that you might not discover all by yourself?  Alberta Fredricksen brings decades of human resource experience to her passion as a Coach and Consultant.  For more HeartPeace and more FREE resources and articles, visit www.HeartPeaceNow.com.

 Most of us grow up conditioned to believe that conflict is bad.  That is a myth!  And it’s a pretty destructive myth because it places all of us in a position of being bad in some way because we are in conflict within ourselves or we experience conflict with others. 

Truthfully, being in conflict is as easy as falling off a log!  With a little shift in perception and some help in understanding the true nature of conflict, we can walk the log skillfully, with balance and reach our destination on the other side.  

Some say that conflict is not good or bad - it just is!  It is opportunity staring you straight in the face.  This is where you are empowered to co-create with Spirit and the Spirit in others to embrace conflict and let it teach you how to create something better for you and others. 

Aikido Master, Tom Crum, teaches that “Conflict is nature’s primary motivator for change.“  Change and conflict are frequent companions.  We often talk about needing a change - a change in direction - a change in pace - a let-up in the status quo - or to accelerate in one direction or another.  When you speak about change, conflict may be just around the corner. 

Whether your change process generates conflict or not depends on what you think about conflict.  And whether you think it’s good or bad, just realize that you are creating your own reality.  Knowing that conflict has the potential for creating change, most of us can accept that conflict is natural, necessary - even desirable at times.

Conflict is opportunity!  If you can make this ONE perceptual shift to see conflict as a natural phenomenon that is actually motivating you to movement, to look at options, to make a choice, to make a move - then you can look forward to something different.  Now - that’s a gift!

Getting to the gift of conflict is a passion for Alberta Fredricksen, a Conflict Resolution and Spiritual Life Coach, who can help you understand just how natural conflict is and how it can be a creative force for change, empowerment and transcendence within and with others.  If you are looking for a greater sense of HeartPeace, visit her website at www.HeartPeaceNow.com for more FREE resources and articles.

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