HeartPeace Now Articles

There are so many positive strategies and processes to use in managing conflict effectively.  And sometimes it’s very important to know how to avoid the pitfalls.  

You will enhance your success in finding heart peace if you stay aware of the energies that are the indicators and outcomes of conflict.  These energies begin with small contrasts that come from mismatched expectations among people.  And there are some mistakes you can avoid making if you know about them before they come up.  

You can safely and effectively avoid these Five Mistakes during Conflict.   

1.      Don’t become detached from the conflict.  Stay aware of energies that are the indicators and outcomes of conflict so you can monitor and track them.  Your enhanced awareness allows you to maintain more control in effective ways.  You really want to have a passionate concern for both the people and the issues within the conflict.  Your engagement and genuine concern can motivate others toward solutions.

 2.      Don’t get caught “awfulizing.”  Every conflict has a history that extends beyond the present.  And “awfulizing” is the tendency to escalate a situation into its worst-case scenario.  One person tries to top the other person’s horrible and awful story.  You want to find common ground in what can be done to resolve problems, not in common misery.   

 3.      Don’t let conflict establish your agenda.  If you want to be an effective change agent in resolving conflict, you must do the important things and consider delegating the urgent things.  Stay aligned with your own agenda, and do those things that only you can do.  There will always be distractions and seemingly urgent things that can be done effectively by others.

 4.      Don’t engage in power struggles.  There is a significant relationship between power and authority.  Your authority increases when you empower others.  Power tends to be perceived as coercive, while authority involves respect.  Unless you are prepared to waste time, don’t argue.  Unless you are prepared to lose, don’t choose to engage in battles.  Taking total responsibility for others’ emotions sets you up to lose in a power struggle.

 5.      Don’t be sidetracked by the projections of others.  Projection is really an emotional release for most people.  And sometimes people project their own flaws and weaknesses onto others.  Avoid accusations and generalizations.  Encourage participation so others can speak safely for themselves.  There really is no need for anyone to be reduced to mind reading.

 Managing conflict more effectively is a passion for Alberta Fredricksen, a Conflict Guide and Spiritual Life Coach.  You can be empowered in your personal and professional conflicts through personal coaching or group facilitations.  Check Alberta’s website at www.HeartPeaceNow.com for more FREE resources and articles.  Sign up for the Awakened Inner PeaceMaker Program now!

Understanding your choices is essential in managing conflict.  And, yes, there is always more than one choice!  You just have to decide what consequence you will live with.  This helps you resolve your own inner conflict.  And just as important is the strategy of providing choices for others when you are in conflict.  

The narrowing of choice is not motivating.  It is the expansion of choice or the opportunity to decide that motivates an individual to go beyond feeling victimized.  And in businesses or organizations, it allows an individual to go beyond minimal competence.   

When people say, “I had no choice,” it is really an expression of poverty.  Shift your thinking to a place of being wealthy regarding your abundance of choices!  Choices help you shift from an all or nothing consciousness.  

When you need to brush your teeth, you go to the store and there is not just one product for brushing teeth.  You are faced with choices within choices.  Shall I choose fluoride or no fluoride?  Can I have a product with whitener already included?  What flavor or taste do I want?  Shall I try one out by choosing a small travel version first to see if I like it? What if I like one brand and someone else in my house likes another?  Can we each have something that we want?  

If you can routinely create opportunities for choosing, people will not feel deprived when they encounter those areas where you, the family or an organization cannot always permit choice.  Active participation and involvement in decision-making pushes powerlessness into the background.  For instance, even in the area of setting boundaries or disciplines, the individual can be given two or three options and he decides which one he will fulfill.   Even a child can appreciate choice in being corrected or disciplined.  In order to finish your history report for school, you can choose between not getting to watch TV this evening or you may choose not to go bike riding in the park on Saturday.  It’s your choice.  

And even if making the final decisions or choices cannot be allowed, being offered the opportunity to provide input is also expansive in creating more abundant thinking.  When everyone experiences more choice, conflicts diminish and they can be managed quickly and effectively!  

Managing conflict more effectively is a passion for Alberta Fredricksen, a Conflict Guide and Spiritual Life Coach.  You can be empowered in your personal and professional conflicts through personal coaching or group facilitations.  Check Alberta’s website at www.HeartPeaceNow.com for more FREE resources and articles.  Sign up for the Awakened Inner PeaceMaker Program now!

Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar.  First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.  (Matthew: 5:23-25)  

Managing conflict sometimes means admitting you are wrong or acknowledging that you have hurt or harmed some other part of life.  This verse of Scripture simply and lovingly instructs us about what is most important.  We may be seeking to get right with God – the Spirit of God that is somehow much higher than where we are.  And this ignores the principle that God is present everywhere – and standing by everyone, if they will just choose it.  

It’s easy to ignore that we may not be right with the people that are also right here where we are.   If we would seek to be reconciled with God – to be forgiven for whatever we might have done, or spoken or thought, then what is most important in this instruction is that we first seek to do the same with our fellow travelers on the spiritual path in this place and dimension.   

Pride is a pitfall and none of us like to admit that we don’t know “how to” do things.  But it can be overcome by determining to learn to do those things – step by step.  Learning how to seek forgiveness, how to communicate when confronting differences, how to listen, how to reach resolution, and how to better manage what can’t be resolved are just some of the elements of effective conflict management.  

Choose now to learn how to be reconciled – with God above and with God here in man.  Is there someone you know who has something against you?  What can you do to find more heart peace now?  

Managing conflict more effectively is a passion for Alberta Fredricksen, a Conflict Guide and Spiritual Life Coach.  You can be empowered in your personal and professional conflicts through personal coaching or group facilitations.  Visit Alberta’s website at www.HeartPeaceNow.com for more FREE resources and articles.  And sign up for the Awakened Inner PeaceMaker Program!

The biggest obstacle to effective conflict management may just be your own history!  You and the others in your relationships all have a past when it comes to communicating, building relationships and managing conflicts.   

Your patterns of behavior are built on your perceptions of what is happening to you and how others are relating to you.  And most of us have our own best interests in mind when we are negotiating our way through expectations that are not being met.  This colors how we see others and what we project onto them when we sense those contrasts and tangled energies that we call conflict.  

Seven Tips to managing good balance in the midst of conflict:  

1.      Remember that people (even you) are rarely as benevolent as they perceive themselves to be.  We tend to see our intentions as good, not only for us but for others too.  Just notice how often you have easy reasons (or justifications) and you are ready to explain what you are doing and why you are doing it if you are challenged in some way.  

2.      Remind yourself that others are rarely as evil as their opponents perceive them to be.  Give others the same benefit of the doubt that you expect them to give you.  In this way, you can be holding the intention and a positive energy field where others have support and opportunity to choose to behave in the best potential way for themselves and for you.  

3.      Be aware that people rarely spend as much time thinking about the issues as you or others think they do.  If you are experiencing a sense of conflict, others may not even notice it because they are not as invested in an issue as you are.  

4.      Realize that most aspects of conflict spin off other events and are not the result of cold-hearted calculation.  Others may not be planning or thinking through what is happening, and they may not even see a need to be seeking common ground.    

5.      Come from the position that almost all behaviors are motivated by positive intention.  Most people do not set out to deliberately hurt someone else or cause upset for others and themselves.  And they are often surprised when someone else is offended or put off in some way.  It is true that frequently those positive intentions are to take care of and protect themselves.  

6.      Understand how patterns established in previous experiences impact present perceptions. Every conflict has a history that extends beyond the present.  We are a result of our own history of relationships with others.  If we have experienced hurt or harm in previous relationships, we must be vigilant not to project similar motivations, intentions or actions onto others in our current or future relationships.  

7.      If you have difficulty remembering the first six tips, take a moment to go to “the balcony” to get a better viewing point of the interactions the group is experiencing.  You always have the opportunity to choose again which will change the energy field for others to choose again also.    

Managing conflict more effectively is a passion for Alberta Fredricksen, a Conflict Guide and Spiritual Life Coach.  You can be empowered in your personal and professional conflicts through personal coaching or group facilitations.  Check Alberta’s website at www.HeartPeaceNow.com for more FREE resources and articles.  Sign up for the Awakened Inner PeaceMaker Program now!

Is your Spiritual Resume up to date?  Are you a disciple of some faith?  What is the Truth that you bear witness to through your faith?  By definition, a disciple of Christ is always stepping up spiritually by bearing witness to Jesus the Christ.  Being a disciple need not mean that you throw off all your earthly occupations or do away with all other endeavors in life.  However, if you are a disciple, it generally means that you regard the spiritual work that you do in Jesus’ name, his Spirit and his teaching as the overriding and pervading goal.

A practical way to express it is that this sense of alignment with Spirit is the glue that holds the parts of the chair together.  The glue of Spirit also helps us prioritize so that we do the things that matter most during our current short mortal existence.

Before Jesus was taken up in the cloud before the very eyes of the disciples and the others, he gave them his parting instructions.  Consider what you might say to your loved ones, to your family and friends and co-workers if you knew that in five or ten minutes you would be taken up from this earth.  What would be the most important thing to say to them?  What would be the greatest love and comfort you could leave them with to remember?  How would you help them to remember what your own mission had been and what their mission was to be?

Well, Jesus did know that he would be taken up and this is what he said to his disciples and followers:  “But ye shall receive power, after that the Holy Ghost is come upon you: and ye shall be witnesses unto me both in Jerusalem, and in all Judea, and in Samaria, and unto the uttermost parts of the earth.”  He said, “Ye shall be witnesses unto me.”  This sounds like a commandment, doesn’t it?  It is certainly an affirmation, a declaration, even a decree.  And it is also a promise.  It is Jesus making a new covenant with those that follow after his life’s demonstration made all things new.  You mean that you and I can become a Christ, too?  Yes!

How many times have you thought about what your life is supposed to be about?  What is your witness?  Do you still wonder about those old questions:  Who am I?  Why am I here?  Well, whenever you feel less than confident about the answer, remember this commandment and promise from Jesus:  “Ye shall be witnesses unto me.”  This means you are to witness unto the Christ in action of Jesus, the Christ in action in me, and in you, and in all these others.

How many ways can you be a witness to the Christ and then be a witness to the Christ of your own Self?  In answering that question, remember that people would rather see a sermon than hear one any day.  The greatest way to teach and to witness is to be an example - a model.  Be an example of a Christ for your family, your co-workers, your leaders and even for your so-called enemies.

Remember that in order to demonstrate your belief in Jesus the Christ, you must become the Christ of you.  This is what he came to teach and to demonstrate - that all the things he did, we are supposed to do and even greater.  This Christ essence is in each one of us - waiting to be awakened, developed and demonstrated.  As you grow and develop the Christ of you, you are stepping up spiritually.  You are building your spiritual resume!

Alberta Fredricksen is a Spiritual Life Coach and her NEW book, Resume of a Disciple-Stepping Up Spiritually offers an easy primer on how to apply common job performance tools like resumes, job descriptions and on-the-job training to your own spiritual path and  witness.  Visit www.ResumeOfADisciple.com and learn about all the bonuses available to you!

Stepping Up Spiritually is a basic element of being on any Path of expanded consciousness. 
It is really for each of us to interpret what being my brother’s keeper means in our daily lives.

Fortunately, it is one of those phrases that needs little in the way of basic explanation.  It is
the unexpected events in life that provide opportunity for us to truly put it to work.  Tomorrow,
a neighbor may fall down the steps and need physical assistance.  Hurrying on the way to work,
you may encounter a small child all alone and crying, and this may require you to take charge - to
move into action on behalf of someone else. 

Maybe you notice a friend or family member who is behaving differently than normal, someone who is
withdrawn or depressed.  If they are not making a fuss that you need to deal with, will you ignore
the change of behavior or will you care - ask - and listen?

To take action and be your brother’s keeper, you must feel something.  You have a certain level of
empathy for the plight of others and you have the courage to act on it. 

Having empathy for others is having empathy for God.  Your feeling for God may be intense, and translating that feeling into action on behalf of your God, who is also residing in others, is a big part of the job.  You move into action just like you would on your regular job if your boss gave you a specific instruction about what you were supposed to do next.  What would you do if God sent you a memo saying, “Report to Carol; she is grieving over her loss.  Give her MY love!”

Look around you and see who has a need.  Wake up to that need and feel that urging from your boss - your own higher guidance.  And then know what your job description is telling you to do about it.  Learn how stepping up spiritually is as easy as following a job description that you can work from everyday. 

Alberta Fredricksen provides a step-by-step roadmap in her book, Resume of a Disciple - Stepping Up Spiritually.  Check it out and look for the free bonuses at www.ResumeOfADisciple.com.

Conflict happens in relationships.  And the tension it brings is opportunity knocking at the door.

We actually learn more by listening than we do by talking!  When we are experiencing contrast or conflict with others, we are usually trying our best to persuade them to our point of view.  And that means we just keep talking - hoping the others will see the light of our position.

What happens if you shift your strategy and start listening - really listening?  There are many benefits for you if you will apply this one very important communication tool in resolving conflicts.

1.  Listening builds relationships!

2.  Listening says to the other person that they are important and you will take the time to hear them.  Listening affirms others and contributes to their sense of self-esteem and well-being.

3.  Your silence while listening can enhance your understanding of the problem and of others’ perspectives.

4.  Listening gives you more information that you can use in identifying potential options and making decisions.

5.  Listening allows you to be more aware of different perspectives and find an opening for collaborative efforts.

6.  You actually learn more by listening than you do by talking!

7. Listening doesn’t cost you any money.  It only takes a little time that is well invested in achieving your goals and building cooperative relationships.

8.  You can implement the listening tool by simply choosing to do it.  You don’t have to enroll in another training program.

9.  Always remember that talking shows involvement; listening shows caring; and asking clarifying questions shows your desire to better understand what others are thinking, feeling or saying.

10. Listening helps resolve conflict!  Listening builds relationships!

Alberta Fredricksen can help you understand just how natural conflict is and how it can be a creative force for change, empowerment and transcendence.  If you are looking for a greater sense of HeartPeace, visit her website at www.HeartPeaceNow.com for more FREE resources and articles.

Economic times are bad!  Finances are tight!  I can’t afford to carry these people!  Sound familiar?  If you add your energy to this choir of voices in conflict, you are actually creating a reality that you don’t want!  How DO you deal with conflict and financial realities without adding your “energy” to a downward spiral?

When change happens – like tight money – loss – unexpected events – don’t you tend to contract, restrict, reserve, withdraw and withhold resources?  Wait a minute!  Take a deep breath and look around you.  The greatest resource you have is the people around you – employees, clients, family and friends.

When budgets get tight, stress increases, conflict escalates and relationships suffer.  How do we resolve these tensions?  Believe it or not, this is a gift that can bring greater understanding and a more urgent motivation to make changes that you might ignore otherwise.

NOW is the time to call upon the “human” resources - the people around you - and engage with them in some practical problem solving.  Your collective creativity in addressing everyone’s needs together not only increases chances for survival and success, it also creates a greater sense of “community.”   Necessity can be a powerful force towards cooperation because of a need to survive together. Ironically, adverse conditions can be the most effective tool to bring out your best gifts and the best gifts of the people around you.

Consider these FOUR TIPS to make the most of seemingly adverse conditions!

1.  More and better communication!  Just communicating more doesn’t help unless it’s different, better – in a word effective!  Just talking about your own pain and hardships won’t cut it.  This may demonstrate your willingness to appear vulnerable which some will admire; it also escalates fear for others as they think “but what about me?”

2. Authentic communication!  There’s an old saying that you can learn more by listening than you can by talking.   Haven’t you found that to be true?  Better communications have several attributes that are worth mastering.  Remember these three communication tools:
a) Talking shows our involvement.
b) Listening shows we care.
c) Asking questions to learn more about what others think and feel demonstrates a desire to truly understand.

3.  Be congruent!  Does your behavior match your words?  Do you say what you mean and mean what you say?  Have you promoted team work in the past and now are relying solely on your personal sense of responsibility which calls for a Command-type of decision making?  Nothing builds trust and community like being congruent.  When others help create the solution, they will help support it!  You don’t have to have all the answers by yourself.  You do have to have the courage to ask and listen.

4.   Change the Energy around you!  If you are considering cutting back, cutting out, or pricing up to navigate turbulent times, think again!  Think outside the box!  NOW may be the perfect time to outsource some idea creation and facilitation - to actually upscale your human resources!  You know you have abilities and potential but you can’t see the forest for the trees!  Explore the possibilities of a Team Approach to the issues you and your business are facing.  Talk with a human resources and communication consultant/coach to explore your strengths, your brilliances and your open pathways.  Gain an objective guide to see how you can empower and capitalize on the creativity of your employees - or your clients - to co-create a solution that you can’t envision by yourself.

A Surprising Lesson from my own experience!

As a school principal, I learned an amazing lesson from a faculty team I was charged with leading.   Finances tightened to the point of being directed by the superintendent that there were no funds for supplies and no funds for substitute teachers!  Thinking that I had to be a strong leader and figure out what all of us would have to do, I dutifully informed the staff about the cutbacks, proposed how I would try to cover classes when they were sick as best I could and explained how I would be less available to them for other things they counted on me as a principal to do.  

Imagine my surprise when the staff came to me and shared that they had all come together and created a plan where everyone picked up some portion of what had to be done when someone needed to be absent.  They said they needed to be able count on me to do the things they expected from a principal.  It was beautiful!  Together – our combined “human” resources created solutions that I could not envision by myself.  And the staff gave their full hearts in support of our solutions.  

Could you and your business or organization benefit from the objectivity of a human resource coach or consultant to assist in empowering you to create a solution that you might not discover all by yourself?  Alberta Fredricksen brings decades of human resource experience to her passion as a Coach and Consultant.  For more HeartPeace and more FREE resources and articles, visit www.HeartPeaceNow.com.

 Most of us grow up conditioned to believe that conflict is bad.  That is a myth!  And it’s a pretty destructive myth because it places all of us in a position of being bad in some way because we are in conflict within ourselves or we experience conflict with others. 

Truthfully, being in conflict is as easy as falling off a log!  With a little shift in perception and some help in understanding the true nature of conflict, we can walk the log skillfully, with balance and reach our destination on the other side.  

Some say that conflict is not good or bad - it just is!  It is opportunity staring you straight in the face.  This is where you are empowered to co-create with Spirit and the Spirit in others to embrace conflict and let it teach you how to create something better for you and others. 

Aikido Master, Tom Crum, teaches that “Conflict is nature’s primary motivator for change.“  Change and conflict are frequent companions.  We often talk about needing a change - a change in direction - a change in pace - a let-up in the status quo - or to accelerate in one direction or another.  When you speak about change, conflict may be just around the corner. 

Whether your change process generates conflict or not depends on what you think about conflict.  And whether you think it’s good or bad, just realize that you are creating your own reality.  Knowing that conflict has the potential for creating change, most of us can accept that conflict is natural, necessary - even desirable at times.

Conflict is opportunity!  If you can make this ONE perceptual shift to see conflict as a natural phenomenon that is actually motivating you to movement, to look at options, to make a choice, to make a move - then you can look forward to something different.  Now - that’s a gift!

Getting to the gift of conflict is a passion for Alberta Fredricksen, a Conflict Resolution and Spiritual Life Coach, who can help you understand just how natural conflict is and how it can be a creative force for change, empowerment and transcendence within and with others.  If you are looking for a greater sense of HeartPeace, visit her website at www.HeartPeaceNow.com for more FREE resources and articles.

Karma, or cosmic justice, puts everyone into conditions where they can either learn or atone for something. Helena Roerich

Is Karma fair?  In Biblical terms, karma is reaping what you sow.  As it turns out, that word “karma” has karma of its own.  It sometimes has bad press because some people only think of karma as something bad coming back to punish them.  It is really just the principle of cause and effect but it is not merely limited to an act like slapping someone and getting slapped back.

Karma is also the sum total of all we have done and all that has been done to us.  It is not merely one action and reaction.  It is the totality of our experience from the beginning of our existence.  To understand karma, it helps for you to acknowledge that you are not just a body with a spirit inside of it; you are a soul—a spirit wearing many different bodies throughout time.

Karma helps us to understand why bad things happen to good people just as it demonstrates how good things happen to all people.  It is one answer to our eternal questions about divine justice - about what is and is not fair.

Some people criticize and even reject the concept of karma by saying that it merely defines fate.  This implies something preordained and unchangeable; something that you and I have absolutely no control over.  Since karma is the principle of reaping and sowing and since we play a very active role in sowing, it only makes sense that we must play a very active role in reaping—in experiencing consequences, seeking forgiveness and or in making restitution. 

God has given us free will, and this inviolable decree of God is demonstrated throughout the history of every religion.  But we also know that many of us will not notice that a lesson is being presented unless something first makes certain that we are paying attention.  That’s what karma does—it comes to us in a way that definitely gets our attention!

So how can you set up to learn from the karma of your circumstances?

1. Recognize that you always have a choice.  Yes—you always have a choice!  You can do – or not do – something.  You can choose whether you will react or respond to what appears before you.  You can choose how you will feel about what is happening – and even more incredibly, you can choose what you will think.  Everything begins with what you think. Then you add energy to your thoughts by having a feeling about them.  You choose to act in some specific way based on what you think and feel.  You get to choose!
2. Be grateful for what is!  Remember that what you are feeling is getting your attention for a reason.  You are being placed in a position to make a NEW choice.  Choose to acknowledge what is actually happening and let it be OK just like it is for this moment.  Choose to thank God or someone else who played their part in getting your attention.  Your decision to think and feel gratitude even in the midst of pain or conflict helps clear the energies for you to create something else.
3. Choose the next best step.  Gather your energies and your resources.  What are your choices?  What are the consequences of each choice?  Think about how you would like to feel after you have made the next choice—then choose the next best step!

What comes next? Whatever it is, be grateful for it! It’s a good thing because now you can choose again!

Is your karma placing you in the middle of conflict?

Alberta Fredricksen can help you understand just how natural conflict is and how it can be a creative force for change, empowerment and transcendence.  If you are looking for a greater sense of HeartPeace, visit her website at www.HeartPeaceNow.com for more FREE resources and articles.